LIE #1: If I Pivot, Then I've Failed

Hey, friends! It’s me…Hales. :)

I’m so excited to be writing this follow-up to my previous post about discovering my love for long-form writing! Here’s something fun: if writing isn’t your passion, I’d still encourage you to stick with me because I think that what we’re about to unpack here could be useful to anyone who’s looking to forge a new path, whether it be in your career, in a relationship, or a new personal journey that you’re embarking on. So c’mon, let’s talk about fear!!! ….***CRICKETS***

Well…I tried to trick y’all into being excited about unpacking fear by doing a quick pivot (Friends reference, anybody?!) If my humor isn’t getting you excited to talk about fear, that’s okay. Hear this good news: Fear isn’t our enemy. Even though fear’s cousin, intimidation, tries to make fear the enemy, fear is our friend, because if he’s stewarded properly, he can point us to the Truth…not just any truth, though. The truth about who God says we are! That’s the most important truth there is.

In a day and age where everyone is living, speaking, being, wearing their own “truth”, I think it’s important to remember that our truth isn’t the same as God’s. I’m not trying to say that I don’t value other people’s opinions; quite the opposite! I think that all of us are made in the image of God and are gifted with minds that are brilliant, creative, and innovative! But I also believe that we are only human and, because of that, we are not always the best discerners of our own motives or the truth. David gently reminds us of our humanity in Psalm 103:14. “For he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.” What he’s saying is that even though we as humans are not always perfect or even able to discern right from wrong (aka the Truth), God is merciful to use and remembers that we are merely human…and that is GOOD NEWS for us, friends! That means we don’t have to be perfect! We can be imperfect humans and still be loved by a perfect God.

However, sometimes I think we swing all the way toward grace without exercising our God-given discernment and the tools we’ve been given to access the absolute Truth. I think it’s about finding a balance between being curious and then putting our discoveries and questions to the test by submitting them to God. 1 Thessalonians 5:21 reminds us to “test everything; hold fast to what is good”. My interpretation of what this scripture is trying to say is this: when we merely accept our truth as The Truth without testing it first through the lens of scripture & the guidance of the Holy Spirit, we can easily deceive ourselves and others.

Right here, right now, I need to confess that I am just as susceptible as anybody to mistaking “my truth” for “The Truth”…but just like our good God, in His mercy, He is starting to show me that there’s a difference between what I think and what God says is true. I think that Jesus wants to show us all a better way. And I think that His way is not for our harm, but for our good! I think He wants us to stay curious! But I also think He desires to be invited into our curiosity, for His glory and for our great joy! :)

So right now, I want to dive into the first lie that I listed in my last post. The lie that I let become “my truth”. It’s one of the things that kept me from pivoting my career and forging a new path. I want to share and expose it, because 1.) I never want to believe Satan’s lies again about who I am or let them control my life and 2.) I don’t want that for you either. I don’t want anyone to EVER feel stuck the way I did. But more importantly, I know that’s not what God wants for any of us. So together, through the power of the Holy Spirit, I’m hoping that we can break down this first lie and let it lead us to THE TRUTH of who God says we are and what He desires for us. So, without further-ado, I give you Lie #1 that kept me from discovering and jumping into my long-lost love of long-form writing:

LIE #1: “Will you ever stop being such a millennial? Your course has been drawn out and if you don’t stick it out and GET. IT. DONE. then you’ve failed.”

There it is, people. Plain as day. And IT. IS. A. LIE.

But does it even matter whether or not it was a lie if I chose to believe it as my truth and make decisions based off of that belief? Honestly, it makes me really sad to think back on how I sincerely I believed this lie about myself. Ha, not saying that I feel bad for myself anymore; I just feel sad for this version of Haley…

Because this version of Haley was SO. STUCK.

This version of Haley was trying so desperately to be a hero.

Her truth was that she can AND MUST do it do it ALL on her own.

This version of Haley was a young, female, part-time employee at a mega-church slogging it out, all for the sake of proving that she could beat the stigma of being a flaky millennial who can’t be emotionally stable because, we'll, she’s a woman. Let me be clear, nobody in my work place EVER said these specific things to me…my co-workers were salt-of-the-earth kind of people that I adore. These were just things that, because of my background growing up, I was speaking over myself. Again, SO SAD, right?! :(

When I figured out that my job wasn’t all that I thought it’d be, that it wasn’t utilizing my skills in the ways I’d hoped, I shamed the heck out of myself. I told myself that I was ungrateful, that if I couldn’t make this work, I’d never find anything that suited me better.

I also told myself that if I pivoted and chose a new path for myself, especially one that looked unknown in the beginning, I’d be a living, walking definition of a millennial, a lazy quitter. I’d forever be known as that girl they took a chance on who just couldn’t ever get it together.

And I wasn’t having that. I wasn’t going to let that be my legacy. I was gonna make this job, this career, work if it killed me. I was willing to be a martyr.

DRUM ROLL, PLEASE. Enter: PRIDE/SELF-LOATHING.

Ha. I know this sounds funny, but it’s so true. I couldn’t see my pride then, but it’s as clear as day now. Another reminder that we are NOT good discerners of ourselves or the Truth, especially when we are in the midst of suffering.

And now, here’s what I know to be true:

God wasn’t going to be disappointed if I chose a new path. But here’s the kicker…looking back, I wasn’t nearly as concerned with what God would think about me as I was about what other people would think of me.

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

I was more concerned about other people’s opinion than the opinion and voice of God.

Ouch. Okay. HELLO, THERE IT IS, Y’ALL.

Sometimes the enemy looks like lies. And I definitely think the enemy’s lies played a significant roll in my struggle.

But HEAR ME: Sometimes the enemy is our own PRIDE and SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS. And I know for sure that was the case for me during this season of suffering. And because I couldn’t see my own pride, I think my suffering was prolonged. In other words, it could have been shortened, expedited.

And that’s why I think it’s important to address and write about this issue of pride. Because WHY wouldn’t we want to expedite our suffering and the suffering of others? Not saying that’s an option, but I think addressing our pride and our fear-based thinking can be a great step in the right direction to moving forward and challenging ourselves to grow, even allows us to reap the most fruit and learn as much as we can in a difficult season we’re in.

So back to my story: I knew that I should make a change, pursue something new, maybe even quit my job, but I was SO AFRAID. Yes, we’ve already discussed that I was afraid of what people would think of me. That people would call me a quitter, lazy, misguided. But what was even more harmful than my worry about what other people thought was my actual belief that if I made a change, I was a failure.

My fear-based mentality was making me believe that if I pivoted my career, it was going to define the rest of my future in a negative way. Wow, was my view of God small, if I thought I actually had that much control of His plan for me, ha! ;) But I really. I believed that if I quit my salary job and started to work freelance doing things I love, I would become a failure.

But here’s the truth: Forging a new path is not failure. Failure is when you quit trying, quit learning, quit growing.

For so long, I had been tricked into believing that trying something new equaled failing, when all along, it actually meant the opposite! It meant growth, new skills, new experiences, a rich, well-rounded life!

After coming out on the other side of this experience, I wanted to figure out HOW IN THE WORLD I let myself believe and act out of fear for so long!

And I think part of it was that I had never fully understood the value of knowing my WHY. Here’s what I mean:

If I’d had the courage to ask myself much sooner WHY I wanted to overcome the stigma of being a millennial, lazy, a quitter, I would have realized that my desire was borne out of pride. That in my self-righteousness, I wanted to make a name for myself, by myself, without having to ask for help from God or others.

But thanks be to God for showing me that Pride is when we try to do it all and earn the credit, but Humility is asking for help and giving glory to God for both your shortcomings and your victories.

And I think if I’d had the courage to ask myself WHY change equaled failure to me, it would be I would have realized that it was because I was trying to earn affirmation and approval from my family, my husband, my co-workers, and my peers.

And thanks be to God for showing me that absolutely NO amount of earned human affirmation could give me the satisfaction, freedom, or soul rest that comes from finding my worth and approval from God.

Do you see what I’m saying now about how lies can really lead us to the truth? They morph and make themselves look ALMOST IDENTICAL to the Truth, making it so easy to be misguided by them. But while lies are pesky little sons of guns, I think if we get curious about them instead of accepting them as our truth, when we ask God to join us in our curiosity and show us The Truth, together with the Holy Spirit’s help, we can keep asking why until we uncover the real and absolute life-giving truths behind them.

Let’s say it altogether, friends: THE KEY TO UNLOCKING A LIE IS TO ASK WHY.

Cheesy, yes. WILL YOU REMEMBER IT, YES. ;)

I think sometimes we can get so close to the truth and still believe a lie. If we’re not careful, pride can sneak in and trick us into believing that we are the source of our own truth.

And I think that can be just as damaging as not believing as not knowing or believing in any kind of truth at all.

Here’s the truth of the truth of the truth: God defines our truth AND He is our Truth.

When He speaks Truth to us, we can take it to the bank. Why? Because He’s earned the right to speak into our lives through His faithfulness and the evident fruits it produces. Because He’s never let us down and He never will. Because through His kindness, the ultimate Truth has been made known to us. The Light that casts out the darkness. The Love that dispels all fear. The answer to all of our questions. It’s all found in the person of Jesus Christ.

I hope these words are not just a comfort to you but a tool that can help you overcome the lies that you face, and uncover the Truth behind them! I can’t wait to unpack some other lies I’ve believed in the past and hopefully together with God’s help, we can shine light on even more Truth soon.

And if you’ve read this and are still wrestling with questions, GOOD FOR YOU!!! This is the point: to question and test everything…you’re doing it! Keep going, be encouraged in your curiosity. I so admire your courage to face those fears and questions head-on! And please know that I feel the same way and still have so much that I’m wrestling with, too.

So, can we please, please, PLEASE wrestle together? It would bring me no greater joy than to hear your stories and honest comments about the lies and questions you’re facing! And will you let me know if any of this resonates with you and why? Because I think we’re all a lot more alike than we think and we all struggle with many of the same things and in similar ways. We have so much to learn from each other, so would give me the great honor of encouraging you?!

Thanks for reading, friends! Can’t wait to unpack more soon!

Love and peace,

Haley